Ghosting
Ghosting may occur when someone no longer feels that you can supply them with something they perceive as valuable. They may cease contact as part of the “devaluation and discard” pattern of behavior.
There are many reasons you might be ghosted. The person may have lost interest in you or just want to see how much you really care about them. No matter the reason, this power move may be another manipulation tactic to try to control the relationship.
What ghosting looks like
Your sister calls and speaks as if you’re very close (even though you’re not). She mentions that she’s buying a house and needs a co-signer. You tell her you’re saving money, so you’ll pass, but you’d love to have dinner sometime. You may not hear from her again after that until she needs another favor.
Revenge
Having a fragile sense of self is not uncommon for someone with NPD.
If you call them out on their behaviors, it may create a narcissistic rage or injury. Rather than sit with the difficult emotion and self-reflect, they may instead externalize the agony they feel in the form of revenge.
What revenge looks like
You interview a potential employee for a new role at work. Your gut instinct tells you to go in a different direction. When you decline to give them an offer, they send numerous complaints to your boss in an attempt to get you fired and threaten to file a lawsuit for discrimination.
Tips to cope
If you’re in a relationship with someone with NPD, the first step is to own your wounds, says DiNardo.
“Realize the manipulations,“ she says. ”Feel the pain, but don’t stop there. Don’t drop an anchor. Being angry at someone who manipulated you is not a recipe for getting healthy or breaking the pattern.”
Instead, remove the focus from their behaviors and instead on your responses. You may find it helpful to ask yourself these questions:
How did this happen?
How did I end up in this connection?
What beliefs may have led to this?
Where do those come from?
You don’t have to do this tough inner work alone, by the way. You may find it helpful to work with a mental health professional to help process what you’re feeling.
Next steps
If someone with narcissistic personality disorder appears to be playing games with you, it’s common to feel hurt.
Keep in mind that this is a complex mental health condition and that the person behaving this way may or may not be conscious of their behaviors.
Still, that doesn’t mean you have to engage in these games or behaviors. You may find it helpful to work with a mental health professional on setting boundaries and educating yourself about narcissistic personality disorder.
Ghosting may occur when someone no longer feels that you can supply them with something they perceive as valuable. They may cease contact as part of the “devaluation and discard” pattern of behavior.
There are many reasons you might be ghosted. The person may have lost interest in you or just want to see how much you really care about them. No matter the reason, this power move may be another manipulation tactic to try to control the relationship.
What ghosting looks like
Your sister calls and speaks as if you’re very close (even though you’re not). She mentions that she’s buying a house and needs a co-signer. You tell her you’re saving money, so you’ll pass, but you’d love to have dinner sometime. You may not hear from her again after that until she needs another favor.
Revenge
Having a fragile sense of self is not uncommon for someone with NPD.
If you call them out on their behaviors, it may create a narcissistic rage or injury. Rather than sit with the difficult emotion and self-reflect, they may instead externalize the agony they feel in the form of revenge.
What revenge looks like
You interview a potential employee for a new role at work. Your gut instinct tells you to go in a different direction. When you decline to give them an offer, they send numerous complaints to your boss in an attempt to get you fired and threaten to file a lawsuit for discrimination.
Tips to cope
If you’re in a relationship with someone with NPD, the first step is to own your wounds, says DiNardo.
“Realize the manipulations,“ she says. ”Feel the pain, but don’t stop there. Don’t drop an anchor. Being angry at someone who manipulated you is not a recipe for getting healthy or breaking the pattern.”
Instead, remove the focus from their behaviors and instead on your responses. You may find it helpful to ask yourself these questions:
How did this happen?
How did I end up in this connection?
What beliefs may have led to this?
Where do those come from?
You don’t have to do this tough inner work alone, by the way. You may find it helpful to work with a mental health professional to help process what you’re feeling.
Next steps
If someone with narcissistic personality disorder appears to be playing games with you, it’s common to feel hurt.
Keep in mind that this is a complex mental health condition and that the person behaving this way may or may not be conscious of their behaviors.
Still, that doesn’t mean you have to engage in these games or behaviors. You may find it helpful to work with a mental health professional on setting boundaries and educating yourself about narcissistic personality disorder.